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What Are You Giving For Christmas: Are You Willing to Give a Deliberate Gift?

By Doug Nielsen

I could see the tears of regret well up in his eyes as he told me the story of his past eighteen years. 

He was a very successful businessman when it came to making money, but by his own admission, he was a failure as a father. He had a “take charge” demeanor and seemed embarrassed by his show of emotion. 

On the outside he appeared to have it all--the trophy wife, nice cars, beautiful house and smart kids-- yet he had missed the boat when you looked beyond the masquerade. 

He told me that his son was graduating from high school this week.  I responded, “Congratulations!” 

“No.  It’s a tragedy,” he replied.

Now with tears starting to roll down his face and obvious unease with this open display of emotion, he said, “My son is graduating with strait A’s this week and I, as his father, deserve an F!  I don’t even know who he is.  I have been so busy with what I thought was important, like work, that I am a stranger to him.”

He told me that last night in a heated discussion about which college he thought his son should attend, his son said, “Dad you always try to mold me into someone you want me to be. You are hardly home and when you are home you think you can boss me around like one of your employees.” 

“My son can hardly stand to be in the same room with me.  Now that’s failure!”

Later, in this all too familiar discussion, he made a commitment and plan for things to be different.  He said, “I can’t change the past, but I can promise you that the next eighteen years will be different!” 

He promised to daily enter his boy’s world by no longer trying to control him--allowing him to have his opinion without shaming or belittling him.  He also committed to become as interested in the things that his son loved to do as his son was!

Life has a way of slapping you up the side of the head when you are not at the helm!

 As I later reflected upon this situation it came to me that as a leader, a spouse, a parent, a friend, etc., YOU MUST BE DELIBERATE about your life. 

Specifically, you cannot come home from work and offer your loved ones a) exhaustion, b) anger, c) apathy, d) resentment, e) the “I’m to tired attitude” or f) indifference, etc! 

By the same token, you cannot offer your employees, co-workers, or workplace a) a bad attitude, b) a victim mentality c) a blaming or finger pointing, d) rationalization, or e) doing as little as possible, etc.

YOU MUST BE DELIBERATE ABOUT YOUR LIFE!  This is your life, it’s passing, what are you waiting for?  In the big picture of your life, what do you want?  What kind of relationships do you want in the work environment and at home?

There is no greater gift to give during this holiday season and into 2009 than the gift of living a more deliberate life.

Miracles take place when you deliberately connect with the big picture of your life and understand that you exist for a reason outside of yourself. 

When you are deliberate, you are a better leader.  When you are deliberate you, are a better loved one.  When you are deliberate you sleep more peacefully at night.

Are you willing to increase the “deliberate factor” in your life?

This Month’s Invitation:

Until next time, remember that I am pulling for you to “Take Life by the Helm” and never forget you can handle life’s challenges by staying in the present moment. 

Smooth sailing even in the storms